/ 3rd Yunnan trip
“Don’t trust us, trust HIM” this is what Vivian said to the team before I had the chance to show off my “rich” experience to gain trust, which I had actually prepared when I felt the most distrust.
Shivering, I was the leader.
Being well aware of this, I made Let the team win as my personal reminder.
I must become less.
Upon returning, I saw myself standing in the way blocking God’s glory, again. I caught myself feeling so satisfied with how necessary my role was. So I prayed once more, “Lord, let the team stand on my shoulders so that they are lifted higher to YOU. Let everyone know that they can lead just as good and even better without me next year. Let the team win, till the end”.
Hereupon, John 3:29-30 jumped into to my ears, “...That joy is mine, and it is now complete. He must become greater; I must become less.” Honestly, I didn’t feel much of the joy. Instead, I was not confident and it did hurt my little ego a bit when I prayed. For, pride easily enslaves me. Before, I had “no choice” but to flee from all leadership roles for this reason.
Take possession of what I own.
At the Miao church, as the lined up villagers being healed instantly through our prayers, I realised one thing —— ownership and possession are radically different. My head knowledge tells me that I have the power to heal, but healing someone with that power takes some elevated understanding and heart knowledge of trust, that is from ownership to possession. People can own the power to heal sickness, to remove shame, to reconcile relationships...but still, drowning in great emotional and spiritual poverty, feeling extremely powerless. Thus, all the beautiful promises in Christ, the wonderful peace, the genuine joy, the everlasting love, the victory over sin, etc are merely abstract notions. Sadly, I was exactly one of these people.
Similarly, the pride that I’m battling with has been made long ago a slave of Christ in HIS resurrection. Not only that, HE has given me this very same ownership when I receive the new life in HIM. But the ownership won’t release me until I take possession of what I own. That is, with HIS power, to enslave my pride and to live in the freedom of knowing “I have conquered it”.
This doesn’t make “I must become less” magically easier. But, I’m committed to the practice of taking possession daily. Like never before, lots of energy that was previously wasted to deal with things that God had already made salves under my feet is now freed up. I’m able to freely answer God’s calling with my full strength and with the whole of who I am without needing to flee, in this case, from pride and actually from the feeling of incompetence.
As I pray ”Here I am Lord, so imperfect. But I won’t go anywhere. Let me know what I can do”, life becomes an amazing dance with HIM, everyday.
Lastly, the full honour is mine to serve alongside this awesome team and the two amazing leaders.
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